On November 2, 2018
Pendulum, I feel it coming back at me,
my eyes go sideways and darkness absorbs me,
I stare into something, don't know what.
I stop, my mind disperses into the chaos,
every time when I plug in,
I try to reload but I sink somewhere down,
at the bottom of a lake,
where I took the heart of the only one of my kind.
The last one, it was a magical,
it was a magical being. Half fairy, half me.
In that lake, I find all my wicked jokes,
I called it a magic, a masterpiece, a wonder,
spells hard like marble, all crowns to bow to me,
but that lake is my dragon, I can't face my own demon.
An insanity which I caused, all on me,
a house of lords to pay my damnation,
I replaced hopeless infatuation with delirium,
but that's given isn't it,
same level of cruelty, the same level of violence.
The army who fell, the lands to burn,
all on me to decide - who is guilty, and who is fine,
who is a poet, and who is mad?
I substituted a fairy with a beauty because I couldn't
show it, I am just a human,
toss it all to the burning stake,
to an evil mob, told stories, told lies,
an evil imp, a witch, a monster.
I took everything, not as a master,
but like a thief, like a coward.
A story passed without a penance, no judge,
and nothing to fold,
that took 3 centuries to be told.
And deeper, and darker,
colder and further, I fall... I fall...
into my lies, into my own demise,
the guilt crushing me down,
I'm being a death to a tree of life,
Lord, just let me die.
Some things never change,
they can't, why I can't forget.
I wonder, in here, if this is my afterlife.
I never thought I'll take it back,
I'll repent, I'll regret, I'll mourn so much.
And I know, the hate will be hate,
and love will be love.
My eyes bleed, turn to black,
calm and cold the eternal void,
I sink in that madness, the turmoil
and it stops, can't fight, because it is me,
in me, my beating heart, inside of you,
every next beat tames the demon I placed there,
I placed the worst parts of myself.
All the clashes of the lightning and thunders,
all that storm inside of your head,
can't hold me a torch,
a chaos hand in hand with its creator.
And I know, is that I took from you,
all that I reign so profoundly without the consequence.
I understand, what kind of a rage has been placed,
because the magic, your magic has been stolen.
That is that horrid terror stripped of any power,
everything that was done, and said,
all that pain, oh, how sorry I am.
I'm being a death to a tree of life,
Lord, just let me die.
Some things never change,
they can't, why I can't forget.
I wonder, in here, if this is my afterlife.
I never thought I'll take it back,
I'll repent, I'll regret, I'll mourn so much.
And I know, the hate will be hate,
and love will be love.
... oh, how sorry I am...
